I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
