My balls are so social today.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
