every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
