D3 body, D1 cock
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
