She's JV to your varsity
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
