he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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