spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
