Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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