i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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