my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
