He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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