taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
