If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize