this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize