i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
