Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
