i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
