Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Randomize
