At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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