Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
