Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
