So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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