What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
