And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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