my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
