my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
