You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize