yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i think i have herpe
just one?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
