The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
