omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
