Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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