if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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