ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
