I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She tied me up with her honor cords...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
