Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
