I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
