Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
