Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
