eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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