im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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