Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
