I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
PANTIES FOUND
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