After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
