I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
barbara walters just said penis...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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