I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
