Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
