thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
