what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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