Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
