You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
