You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
