So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
