Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I won the penis lottery.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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