He is an equal opportunity slut.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
