He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
