I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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