I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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