My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
