i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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