if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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