I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
