i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
