i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
