someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
