if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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