cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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