i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
