Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
not ubering you a puppy
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
