butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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