I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
