Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
