you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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