It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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