don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
