So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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