Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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