Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
