I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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