I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
