i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
