I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
