wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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