1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
