sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
