Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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