her vagine was all disorganized.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
