So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
