I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
