Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
