He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she smelled like a LAN party
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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