Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
