On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
