i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He shit in the fireplace
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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