The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
