This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
