I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
