My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
