was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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