i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
