you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
